My Happiness Project - Thank you, Gretchen Rubin! Part 4

I need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right in an atmosphere of growth. – Gretchen Rubin

Rubin’s last suggestion in developing her Resolutions Chart is to live in an atmosphere of growth. This is really important to me. I want my life to get bigger as I get older, not smaller.

One reason that challenge brings happiness is it allows you to expand your self- definition. You become larger. The more elements that make up your identity, the less threatening it is when anyone element is threatened.

I like that.

 “Novelty is an important source of happiness.” I like that, too.

I want to grow in a way that is authentic and natural to me:

       Be Karla.

So here is her last suggested reflection before developing the Resolutions Chart.

Do you have sources of an atmosphere of growth? In what elements of your life do you find progress, learning, challenge, improvement, and increased mastery?

·      

Starting my blog. Practicing my writing. Sharing my life and what’s important to me with my friends and readers. Blogging uses my leisure to cultivate my creativity, (one of Rubin’s suggestions).

·      

Try new groups. I have recently gone to the book group at our local library, attended Threshold Choir practices and attended services at Heart and Soul Center of Light, a predominantly African American Religious Science church near our home. It has been suggested that

I join a writing group. Maybe . . .

·      

Always having a subject that fascinates me. My most recent one was mountain climbing.

·      

Writing a book proposal, Vacation at Home, Cultivating Delight in the Everyday (yes, after all that, I stayed with my original title), and sending it to my first targeted publisher, Conari Press.

·      

Learning new things. Recently I learned Dropbox, how to work an I-Phone, (I’m a frighteningly late adopter), and my next area of growth is changing my picture on my blog to reflect the new hair! And I’m proud to share with you that I am typing this post on Rob’s MacBook Air.

·      

Stay adventurous. Adventure equals growth. I want to see life as an adventure even when it’s tough. What a long, strange trip it’s been. (thank you Jerry Garcia and Robert Hunter).

·     

Let there be a little chaos, a little disorder, a little inefficiency.

Rubin talks about a concept called the arrival fallacy, basically the belief that when you arrive at a certain destination, you’ll be happy. But she also warns that arriving rarely makes you as happy as you anticipate. She goes so far as to say that arrival often brings more work and responsibility. (What if my book actually gets published? I’ll actually have to write it!)

The fun part doesn’t come later, now is the fun part!

I want to enjoy the process.

Fun is energizing.

Rubin says there are four stages of happiness:

Anticipate it.

Savor it as it unfolds.

Express happiness.

Recall a happy memory.

I really want to learn how to live and spend more time in each of these stages, especially savoring it as it unfolds.

The days are long but the years are short.

Signing off from the Square at Healdsburg, California after the clergy conference at Bishop’s Ranch.

My Happiness Project - Thank you, Gretchen Rubin! Part 3

Is there any way in which you don’t feel right about your life? I rewrote this to ask, “What makes you feel right?” Does your life reflect your values?

This one can feel almost a little painful if you’re not living the life you want to be living. That is why Rubin adds feeling right in addition to feeling good and feeling bad. Feeling right is about values and integrity. Does my life work? Am I on a path with meaning?

If you’re like me sometimes your life has worked and sometimes it hasn’t. It’s painful when it doesn’t work. There’s usually a period of limbo and paralysis. And then, praise God! - it gets better. The pendulum swings. And nothing beats the joy of feeling like I’m moving in the right direction. For everything there is a season. . .

What are some of the things I already do or can do to feel more right?

• ·       Connecting with my sisters, nieces and old friends.
• ·      Tithing, giving away lots of money. This includes the small stuff like giving money to that young guy with his dog (how he loves that dog!) at the intersection right before turning into our neighborhood. 
• ·      Keeping a sense of adventure in my life.
• ·      Staying grounded in the present; what is before me now?
• ·      Keeping my commitments.
• ·      Stopping and helping someone. (I can’t do this when I’m in a hurry)
• ·      Putting in a good day at work.
• ·      My daily gratitude E-mail to my buddy.
• ·      Being scrupulously honest with my taxes.
• ·      Keeping up with my photo albums. (One of Rubin’s resolutions is to be a “treasure house of happy memories”). 

  I’d love to hear from you. What makes you feel right? Do you feel like you’re in the right job, city or family situation? Are you living a life that has meaning to you?

Signing out from our cozy home on a rainy day . . .

My Happiness Project - Thank you, Gretchen Rubin! Part 2

I’m pretty excited about this Resolutions Chart idea. Rubin declares that life is more fun when I keep my resolutions. That sounds pretty good to me; motivates me to create my own chart.

Thank you so much to all of you who shared with me what makes you feel good. It was delightful reading all of your ideas. It made me smile when I took a much needed break from the book proposal. One of my very favorite parts of writing this blog is my relationship with you. I love knowing that you are reading and having fun creating your own ideas on fun, vacation at home and happiness.

So I find myself at the next question. Reflecting on what makes me feel bad isn’t near as fun as thinking about what makes me feel good. So, I’m not going to spend a whole lot of time on it, but it must be done.

Ok, so here is Rubin’s second question:

What makes you feel bad? What are sources of anger, irritation, boredom, frustration, or anxiety in your life?

·        When things don’t work!

·        When I’m in a hurry. (I realize that so much of my irritation, impatience, stressed feelings and frustration come out of being in a hurry).

·        When I have too much to do.

·        When I work so circularly that I get overwhelmed and nothing really gets finished.

·        When I’m tired.

·        When I don’t know what to do next.

·        Chaos, disorder, disruption.

·        When I start getting obsessive.

·        When I step on my kitty’s tail.

·        When I break something.

·        When I won’t let go; of my point, a bad feeling or thought, an argument.

·        When I get a pen mark on my white pants.

·        Waiting in line.

·        When I compare my life with someone else’s.

·        Worrying about earthquakes.

·        Worrying about anything.

·        Traffic.

·        Complaining, blaming, nagging and gossiping.

Well, that made me so icky, I had to go refresh my iced tea and indulge in a oaty apricot “munch bar”.

Friends, what makes you feel bad?

Signing off from the Depot Café out on the patio with lots of trees and hanging flowers in Mill Valley, September 19, 2013

My Happiness Project - Thank you, Gretchen Rubin!

 

One of the more enjoyable activities while working on this book proposal has been the weekly trip to Barnes and Noble at Emery Bay to peruse books with similar ideas as Vacation at Home and note the publishers. The best part of the outing is sitting in front of the faux fire with a baked good and mocha from the little café and looking through some of the books, deciding which ones I would like to read.

I have gathered quite a few books and have just finished reading Gretchen Rubin’s, The Happiness Project and I loved it! I am so inspired I am going to create my own. In her introduction, she suggests identifying concrete actions that will boost your happiness, followed by keeping your resolutions. In the last chapter, at the end of her happiness project, she said that the single most effective step in her happiness project was her Resolutions Chart. My heart sank. I don’t like resolutions. I’ve never been very goal oriented. I put the book down. This won’t work for me.

But then I read her simple questions which are the basis for a Resolutions Chart, and I started feeling a sense of enthusiasm for trying it. Here are her questions:

·        What makes you feel good? What activities, do you find fun, satisfying, or energizing?

·        What makes you feel bad? What are sources of anger, irritation, boredom, frustration, or anxiety in your life?

·        Is there any way in which you don’t feel right about your life? I rewrote this to ask, “What makes you feel right?” Does your life reflect your values?

·        Do you have sources of an atmosphere of growth? In what elements of your life do you find progress, learning, challenge, improvement, and increased mastery?

Rubin suggests that your resolutions will work better when they are concrete and measureable. She also warned that the hardest part wasn’t making the resolutions; it was following through and keeping them! On the other hand, she realized that even if she didn’t do her resolutions perfectly, she was doing better and that made her happier. The more she kept her resolutions, the happier she was.

I have noticed this to be true. I have started jotted down a few resolutions and although I haven’t done them perfectly, (not even close!), I feel better just because I am aware of them; they are in my consciousness now. For example, after identifying that being in a hurry makes me feel bad, one of my resolutions is to start getting ready 15 minutes earlier. No, I am not doing it perfectly. And despite, my good intentions, I was still late for work one day last week because I lost my phone. After spending my extra 15 minutes calling it with Rob’s phone, I finally discovered the familiar harp music ring tone emitting from the grocery cart in the garage.

But now, I’m aware how being in a hurry makes me feel bad, and having lots of time for my morning meditations, a long bath/shower, applying makeup, playing with my hair and choosing my outfit for the day make me feel good. So I’ll do better tomorrow. I have the rest of my life to do better!

She says that her resolutions chart is really her conscience. I like that. She says how glad she’ll be that she did everything within her power to appreciate the life she has now, just as it is. That inspired me.

I really like her simple principles on happiness:

·        If I think I’m happy, then I am happy.

·        One of the best ways to make myself happy is to make other people happy.

·        One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy myself.

I loved this, too:

The days are long, but the years are short.

Kind of makes you feel emotional, doesn’t it?

So, I got started with her first question:

What makes you feel good? What activities, do you find fun, satisfying, or energizing?

·        Being with my sweetie. Spending time together, our lives with each other. Growing up together. Growing old together.

·        Reading - novels, essays, the Rolling Stone, inspiring spiritual books, books that give me tools to have a happier, fuller life like The Happiness Project.

·        Walking and hiking. Being outside.

·        Spending a sunny afternoon in a lawn chair, preferably by water, with a cooler full of Diet Coke, Little Pink and a bag of books.

·        Going to cafes - baked goods, mochas, reading, writing, blogging, watching people.

·        Connecting with friends, especially laughing together.

·        Discovering new places; restaurants, cafes, theaters, little towns, shops, hiking trails.

·        Going for pretty drives with the top down.

·        Reading in my hammock.

·        Listening to music, especially live; rock and roll, classical, jazz – love it all.

·        Massages.

·        Choosing my outfit for the day.

·        Making a healthy tasty meal.

·        Creating experiences for people.

·        Singing with our band, Tridium, and the Threshold Choir.

·        Writing my blog and fitting pictures to the stories of my days.

·        Morning time – subliminal space, praying, meditating, journaling, staring at the candles, sipping coffee, petting the kitties.

·        Traveling – pulling off a major trip to Europe or somewhere really far away.

·        Finishing the book proposal. (almost)

·        Organizing! Cupboards, closets, clothes, books, toiletries, cleaning supplies, cards, gifts, drawers, storage bins, keeping only what I need and love. A clean orderly environment at work and home.

·        Just generally taking care of stuff. Sewing the button on my rain coat. Gluing the plate I dropped. Keeping the litter box clean.

·        Being caught up with correspondence; E-mails, cards, calls, attending to my relationships; my friends mean the world to me.

·        Using what I buy. Eating what’s in the refrigerator.

·        Nice, friendly interactions with people.

·        Getting really dressed up. Full make-up, hair, dangly earrings, sexy shoes, everything sparkly.  

·        The New Year. I love new beginnings.

 This is by no means an exhaustive list, but I’m getting started.

It just occurred to me that thinking about what makes me feel good and what makes me feel bad is kind of like the Ignatian discernment model I use in my spiritual direction process. Consolation is what makes me feel good and right in an atmosphere of growth. Desolation is what makes me feel bad. I am happiest when my actions flow out of the discernment of really knowing myself. And knowing my deepest desires is knowing God’s will – but that is a whole other blog post . .

Friends, I’d love to hear what makes you feel good?

Signing off from pretty Piedmont Park, Sunday afternoon, September 15, 2013.