Vacation Away Gone Awry

A Romantic Story – Part 1

We had it planned for months.  We were going to relax at Breitenbush, our favorite hot springs retreat, high in the Oregon Cascades during that magical week after Christmas.  We were going to live the dream of bringing the New Year in at Breitenbush!  We even treated ourselves and decided to fly instead of braving the eleven hour gruel over two mountain passes.  We were packed and set to go.

Alas, pretty much from the get go, the perfect plan went awry. 

For starters, Rob woke up sick the day after Christmas. This was not part of the plan.  The night before our flight, we finally broached the subject, “Sweetie,” I asked, “Do you think you’re going to be able to go?”  There was a cough and a grim reply, “We’d better talk about our options.”

It was pretty obvious he wasn’t going anywhere.  However, I knew I still wanted to go.  But of course it had to be his idea. “Let’s meditate and get grounded”, I suggested.  I proceeded to spend the “grounding”  half hour in constant chatter, “I want to go, how can I still go?”  After our “meditation”, he casually mentioned, “Well, you could always go and I could meet you up there later.” Ok!  I tried not to be too eager as I called the airlines.  It was all arranged – he would fly up two days later and we would figure out his transportation from Portland to Breitenbush later.  I was all packed, I was ready and I was going!  I felt so relieved, so light of heart.  . .

I set out the next day at the inhuman hour of 5:30 am.  The transportation was grueling; taxi to the BART, Airbus from the BART to Oakland airport, fly to Portland, rent a four wheel drive and begin the two and a half hour drive to the hot springs.  I arrived at my beloved Breitenbush at 3:00 pm. 

It was freezing.  I don’t know what I expected, but after living in California fourteen plus years, I had forgotten what it feels like to be really cold. I wasn’t dressed for it, (didn’t even bring a hat) and trudging up from the parking lot to the office of this very rustic place, I was already cold – very cold.  Not to mention, I was slipping and sliding on the snow packed ground in my flimsy California shoes.  I checked in and received a huge bag of bedding for the cabin, enough for two of us.  I lugged it back to the cabin in those silly shoes with no hat or gloves and finally arrived at the cabin, only to find people in there!  My cabin!  So, I slid back up to the office, (still no hat, gloves or decent boots) only to discover they had double booked my cabin and I would have to move the next night.  I bellowed, “No”; I bellowed again,” NO”; and then a final, NO!  I was having none of it.  I was out of control. I just couldn’t help myself. 

Bless Breitenbush staff, they made it right (what choice did they have?) and I settled in to a much smaller cabin than I had originally reserved, but at least I wouldn’t have to move the next morning.  I unpacked everything and carefully made it home but I couldn’t get away from the unsettling feelings.  I felt . . . well, off – this was not the way I wanted to start my relaxing, renewing hot springs retreat.  I know what I’ll do.  A soak!  I’ll go for a soak in the meadow pool. Yes, that’s what I’ll do – I know that will make me feel better.  So, off I went in search of the serenity of the meadow pool and warmth.  I stripped my clothes and slid in the water.  Of course I couldn’t get comfortable.  The rock was stabbing the back of my head.  I moved.  Now I couldn’t see the view of the river. I moved.  I was too hot.  I moved.  I sat on the rock and immediately got cold.  I moved.  Finally, I just put my clothes back on and trudged back to the lodge in that frigid air, sure that reading in the cozy library would be just the ticket for my relaxation and perfect happiness.

I secured my favorite perch and surrounded myself with a myriad of pillows, positioned just right for my perfect comfort.  I opened my new book on Paul McCartney I had saved just for this vacation.  I couldn’t focus.  I was so comfortable, perfectly comfortable, but you know, I was just a little hungry.   I read a little longer.  I still couldn’t get into it.  (It is a perfectly good book, and I have since enjoyed it thoroughly). Maybe I needed a little something to eat to tide me over before dinner. 

Back I tramped to my cabin, (at least I had my hiking boots on now), and I ate a balance bar.  Now what should I do?  Maybe I‘ll just take a nap.  I tossed.  I turned.  I sat up in frustration and restlessness. My renewing, relaxing vacation away wasn’t working.  I just couldn’t get settled in -- myself.  Breitenbush was fine.  It was me.  Here I was on vacation, fidgety and anxious, exactly the opposite of where I wanted to be.  Where was that state of rapt attention?  Where was the delicious focusing and savoring mind state I enjoyed so much while on vacation at home?  What was wrong?

I was first in line at dinner.  Conversation drifted from the next table of several politically correct individuals with their spoiled kids smugly talking about their “green” jobs and dropping famous environmentalist’s names I vaguely recognized.  I hated Breitenbush!  How could I have ever liked it here? 

I decided I must just be tired and I went to bed with a book, (a different one).  I dreamed I had cancer.  The doe-eyed nurse sadly informed me that it had spread throughout my body, and there was nothing to be done for it.  Then, hot on the tail of the cancer dream, I was at work in my boss’s office feeling horrible that I had forgotten the project she had asked for that Friday.  She had asked twice.  I had forgotten both times.  I think I was preoccupied on a cancer task force team. Despite her protestations, I set my German jaw and announced that I would work that night and finish the project.  I woke up in a total funk.

After messing with the heating coil, cone and grounds just to get a cup of coffee, I trudged up to the lodge (in the freezing morning cold) for my breakfast. I came back to the cabin to meditate and pray in search of the elusive serenity I hadn’t found since I got there.  I got tired.  I hate it when I get tired in the morning.  It’s a listless, flat kind of tired, I’m bored with life kind of tired.  Maybe I needed to take a little nap.  I laid there and it became quite obvious that I just didn’t want to be there.  I knew in my cells that Rob wasn’t coming up on Wednesday.  There was no way he was going to be well enough to navigate through this frigid mountain.   I dreamed of pouring coffee from our nice, heated thermal pot.  It was time to go.  I’m done.  I’m going home. 

(To be continued)

Stay tuned for the romantic part.. .